Thursday, August 28, 2008


I wanted to bring up something that has been troubling me for some time. I fear that I am spending far too much time pondering it, and doubt I will ever find a satisfactory solution. I may very well spend the rest of my days lacking a clear resolution. Here goes...

How exactly does one throw out a trash can?

Seriously. Think about it.

I'm not talking about a kitchen or household trash can, but one of the large take-to-the-curb ones.

Let's turn a critical eye to our options.

1) Take the Can to the Curb
I suppose this might work, but more likely than not, the garbage man (er, I mean waste disposal technician) will simply figure you are a moron for taking an empty trash can to the street.

2) Add a Sign to the Can
Let's imagine that you place a sign on the can that says "this can is trash". What exactly do you mean? The can itself is trash, or the items contained within it are trash? Maybe you have multiple cans, each labeled "this can is trash", "this can is recycling", or "this can is lawn debris". Once again, the collecting of the can itself as trash is placed into doubt by the ambiguity of the sign. A sign that clearly states what you intend would have to be something like: "This can is trash. And by that I mean the can itself (not the contents) is trash and should be collected." Methinks a sign that long won't be read. Again, you'll be thought a moron.

3) Cut the Can up into Little Pieces
Curb-side trash cans are designed to be durable and resist breakage. Even with my sawzall, it would take considerable effort to render a can into small enough pieces to put them into another can. Sounds a little too much like work o me.

4) Put it into a Bigger Can
While this is the primary method of disposing of lesser containers, it only works a few times before you end up with a trash can the size of the Space Shuttle External Tank. Not practical at all.

5) Take it to The Dump
Like I'm going to put a nasty trash can in my car and take a day off from work so I can go to the dump during their convenient weekday working hour.

6) Move and Leave the Old Can Behind
While expensive, it certainly has it benefits. Let somebody else deal with it, along with that leak in the basement. You just have to make sure that the movers don't pack it and take it to the new place.

As you can probably see, this is a problem that has vexed me for some time now. Our current trash can is starting to show its age, but The Wife has yet to recognize the dilemma in which we shall shortly find ourselves.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Wild Kingdom - A Musing in 3 Parts: III

On the Seeing of Actual Animals

We took The Kid to the zoo for the first time a few weekends ago. And a good time was had by all. It was decided that the Richmond Zoo would be just the thing, what with the Grandparents living not so far away from there. And the weather was nice too. The mid-80s at noon in Richmond in August is just about unheard of. But we weren't complaining.

What did we see? There were small monkeys (or "gunkeys" as The Kid calls them).

There were big monkeys*.

there were chickens

Chickens which needed to be chased, no less.

We also saw gators, tigers, camels, bears, zebras, and assorted other creatures. All behind fences that seemed to be exactly at the Kid's eye level. Not that she wasn't able to adapt.

But best of all, The Kid got to see her grandparents.

* OK, so orangutans aren't technically monkeys. They're great apes, but until I can get The Kid to day "hominidae", they'll be monkeys.