So I decided that I owed my wife a solid last night and planned to pick up The Kid from daycare and then run by the grocery store for to pick up some essentials (milk, coffee, juice, etc.). It was cold, rainy, and generally unpleasant, so I figured that a solo grocery run in bad weather would be appreciated all the more.
I’m going to preface this next part by stating that I love my wife dearly. I say this because in addition to being a loving husband and father, I am, at my most basic and fundamental level, a guy.
I un-strapped The Kid from the back seat and proceeded to carry her into the local food purveyors’ establishment. I couldn’t help but notice that the percentage of women looking at me and smiling seemed a bit higher than normal. Sure, I’m used to being ogled by the ladies, but I started to think that perhaps I had something in my hair, or had donned some manner of fashion faux pas that morning that would be brought to my attention when I arrived home to the sweet sounds of “Welcome home honey. Is that what you wore today?” As if there was any doubt.
Back to the store. The Kid goes into the cart, and the smiling continues. I believe I was in the canned goods section when I realized that: a) I looked fine, and b) The Kid is a babe magnet.
20 month olds that look like this…
are apparently soccer mom kryptonite. They are powerless when confronted with it.
The Kid behaved marvelously, which probably only enhanced and concentrated her newly discovered powers. Casually tossing a conspicuously placed copy of “Single Parent” magazine into the cart probably would have driven some of those women into a veritable frenzy, so I opted against it.
Made it out of the store with only one impulse buy (an Elmo toothbrush which The Kid espied and promptly demanded, but needed anyway), and got home none the worse for wear. But certainly with a heightened appreciation for everything The Wife does around the house.
As to the attention from all those lovely ladies, I just let it roll off my back. There’s only one woman out there I’m trying to impress.